Junk Realized – Nike Swordfish

I receive many SPAM comments on my blog daily. Let’s be honest – SPAM is cheap crummy marketing copy, but a recent SPAM comment put my writing to shame. So here is my idea for an ad based on a great SPAM comment, Introducing: Nike Swordfish

Nike Swordfish is a new shoe from Nike
This real SPAM comment, now a mock Nike ad, originally linked to a fake Q&A website like Yahoo Answers full of banner ads.

Toby Keith

I am not a fan of Toby Keith. I hate many of his songs and ideas about America and the world. One song in particular is “Beer for my horses…”. His rendition is full of douchbagery. Just his voice makes me want to smother a bald eagle out of spite. Anyway, back to the horse song, what an irresponsible idea to give beer to horses.

Pete Rose

20110906-054244.jpgIt makes sense that I happen to run into Pete Rose in Vegas. He did gamble on games he played in. I have no doubt he is guilty, as he wanted $75 for his signature. I was the last one to leave the store he was signing in today. He gave me a “what the fuck look” as I passed by. I said “hey Pete” as I left and he returned nothing. No big deal, I understand in a way. I once ran into that giant dude from Happy Gilmore a few years ago in Vegas. He gave me the same look.

Knowing Which Movies You Own

Below is a dynamic list of my DVDs, it doesn’t include my television programs. The list is stored in a database and is connected to IMDB. Whenever I update my database a PHP script I wrote contacts IMDB and gets the year, rating and other data automatically.

So why did I do this? Because I am tired of buying movies I already own. I forget I already own a DVD and end up owning two copies. So when I am at the store I can go to: http://www.jimmyco.com/movies.php and know for sure.

17 Again 2009
21 Jump Street 2012
28 Days Later 2002
28 Weeks Later 2007
30 Minutes or Less 2011
50 First Dates 2004
A Christmas Story 1983
A Garfield Christmas Special 1987
A Midsummer Night’s Dream 1999
A Perfect Murder 1998
A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas 2011
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective 1994
Adventures in Babysitting 1987
Airplane! 1980
American Beauty 1999
American History X 1998
American Hustle 2013
American Pie 1999
Anchorman 2004
Anchorman 2 2013
Angels & Demons 2009
Annie Hall 1977
Argo 2012
Austin Powers in Goldmember 2002
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery 1997
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me 1999
Back to School 1986
Back to the Future 1985
Back to the Future Part II 1989
Back to the Future Part III 1990
Bad Santa 2003
Bad Words 2013
Batman Begins 2005
Baywatch 2017
Beetlejuice 1988
Better off Dead 1985
Big Daddy 1999
Big Hero 6 2014
Billy Madison 1995
Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) 2014
Blood Diamond 2006
Bloodsport 1988
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan 2006
Bowfinger 1999
Box of Moon Light 1996
Bridesmaids 2011
Caddyshack 1980
Casino Royale 2006
Cast Away 2000
Central Intelligence 2016
Christmas Vacation 1989
Christmas with the Kranks 2004
Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2009
Club Dread 2004
Collateral 2004
Collateral Damage 2002
Coneheads 1993
Conspiracy Theory 1997
Corpse Bride 2005
Crank 2 – High Voltage 2009
Crocodile Dundee 1986
Daddy’s Home 2015
Dead Man on Campus 1998
Deadpool 2016
Deadpool 2 2018
Death Wish 1974
Detroit Rock City 1999
Die Hard 1988
Dodgeball 2004
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb 1964
Drop Dead Gorgeous 1999
Dumb & Dumber 1994
Duplicity 2009
Easy A 2010
Elf 2003
Empire Records 1995
Eraser 1996
European Vacation 1985
EuroTrip 2004
Everything Must Go 2010
Falling Down 1993
Fargo 1996
Fight Club 1999
First blood 1982
Fools Rush In 1997
Forgetting Sarah Marshall 2008
Forrest Gump 1994
Full Metal Jacket 1987
Funny Farm 1988
Funny People 2009
Game Night 2018
Gattaca 1997
Get Hard 2015
Get Out 2017
Gettysburg 1993
Ghost Busters 1984
Ghostbusters 2016
Goodfellas 1990
Grandma’s Boy 2006
Gremlins 1984
Grosse Pointe Blank 1997
GroundHog Day 1993
Grown Ups 2010
Hairspray 2007
Hall Pass 2011
Happy Gilmore 1996
Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay 2008
Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle 2004
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets 2002
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 2010
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 2011
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire 2005
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince 2009
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix 2007
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban 2004
He’s Just Not That Into You 2009
High Fidelity 2000
High Tension 2003
Home Alone 1990
Hook 1991
Horrible Bosses 2011
Horrible Bosses 2 2014
Hot Rod 2007
Hot Tub Time Machine 2010
How to Train Your Dragon 2010
I Love You Man 2009
Ice Age 2002
Idiocracy 2006
In The Line of Fire 1993
Inception 2010
Independence Day 1996
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull 2008
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade 1989
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom 1984
Iron Sky 2012
Isle of Dogs 2018
Jason Bourne 2016
Jaws 1975
Joe Versus the Volcano 1990
Johnny English 2003
Jumanji 1995
Jurassic Park 1993
Jurassic World 2015
Just Friends 2005
Kick-Ass 2010
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 2003
Kill Bill: Vol. 2 2004
Kindergarten Cop 1990
Kingsman: The Golden Circle 2017
Kingsman: The Secret Service 2014
Knocked Up 2007
Lawrence of Arabia 1962
Let’s Be Cops 2014
Lethal Weapon 1987
Lethal Weapon 2 1989
Lethal Weapon 3 1992
Lethal Weapon 4 1998
Little Miss Sunshine 2006
Little Nicky 2000
Little Women 1994
Live Free or Die Hard 2007
Logan Lucky 2017
Love Actually 2003
Lucy 2014
Mad Max: Fury Road 2015
Major League 1989
Mallrats 1995
Man on Fire 2004
Masters of the Universe 1987
Matchstick Men 2003
Maverick 1994
Men in Black 1997
Men in Black II 2002
Michael Clayton 2007
Midnight in Paris 2011
Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates 2016
Minions 2015
Miracle on 34th Street 1947
Mission: Impossible 1996
Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation 2015
Mission: Impossible II 2000
Monty Python and the Holy Grail 1975
Moulin Rouge! 2001
Munich 2005
My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2002
My Cousin Vinny 1992
Napoleon Dynamite 2004
National Lampoon’s Vacation 1983
Nebraska 2013
Neighbors 2014
Nick of Time 1995
Norbit 2007
Now You See Me 2013
Now You See Me 2 2016
O Brother, Where Art Thou? 2000
Observe and Report 2009
Ocean’s Eleven 2001
Office Christmas Party 2016
Office Space 1999
Old School 2003
Over The Top 1987
Pineapple Express 2008
Pitch Perfect 2012
Pitch Perfect 2 2015
Powder 1995
Princess Bride 1987
Radio 2003
Raiders of the Lost Ark 1981
Rango 2011
Reservoir Dogs 1992
Revolver 2005
Road Trip 2000
Rocky 1976
Role Models 2008
Run, Fatboy, Run 2007
Rush Hour 1998
Rushmore 1998
Sahara 2005
Samurai Cop 1991
Saving Silverman 2001
Scent of a Woman 1992
Scream 1996
Scream 2 1997
Scream 3 2000
Scream 4 2011
Secret Window 2004
Semi-Pro 2008
Shooter 2007
Shrek 2001
Sisters 2015
Sixteen Candles 1984
Skyfall 2012
Sleepers 1996
Sling Blade 1996
Slumdog Millionaire 2008
Smart People 2008
South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut 1999
Space Jam 1996
Spy 2015
Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace 1999
Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith 2005
Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope 1977
Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi 1983
Starship Troopers 1997
Step Brothers 2008
Stranger Than Fiction 2006
Stuck on You 2003
Summer Rental 1985
Super Size Me 2004
Super Troopers 2001
Super Troopers 2 2018
Superbad 2007
Surviving Christmas 2004
Swordfish 2001
Talladega Nights 2006
Tank Girl 1995
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1990
Terminator 2: Judgement Day 1991
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines 2003
The 40 Year Old Virgin 2005
The Aviator 2004
The Big Lebowski 1998
The Blind Side 2009
The Bodyguard 1992
The Boondock Saints 1999
The Bourne Identity 2002
The Bourne Supremacy 2004
The Bourne Ultimatum 2007
The Brave Little Toaster 1987
The Campaign 2012
The Darjeeling Limited 2007
The Dark Knight 2008
The Dark Knight Rises 2012
The Departed 2006
The Devil Wears Prada 2006
The Devil’s Advocate 1997
The Empire Strikes Back 1992
The Godfather 1972
The Goonies 1985
The Grand Budapest Hotel 2014
The Great Outdoors 1988
The Hangover 2009
The Hangover Part II 2011
The Heat 2013
The Holiday 2006
The Ides of March 2011
The Imitation Game 2014
The Island 2005
The Italian Job 2003
The Jerk 1979
The Karate Kid 1984
The Lake House 2006
The Lego Movie 2014
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring 2001
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King 2003
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers 2002
The Martian 2015
The Monuments Men 2014
The Notebook 2004
The Other Guys 2010
The Patriot 2000
The Perks of Being a Wallflower 2012
The Pink Panther 2006
The Pink Panther 2 2009
The Producers 2005
The Proposal 2009
The Pursuit of Happyness 2006
The Reader 2008
The Rundown 2003
The Santa Clause 1994
The Shawshank Redemption 1994
The Sponge Bob Sqaurepants Movie 2004
The Square 2017
The Tale of Despereaux 2008
The Warriors 1979
The Waterboy 1998
The Way Way Back 2013
The Wedding Ringer 2015
The Wedding Singer 1998
The Wizard of Oz 1939
The Wolf of Wall Street 2013
The Wrestler 2008
There Will Be Blood 2007
This Is the End 2013
Timecop 1994
Tiptoes 2003
Tommy Boy 1995
Total Recall 1990
Trading Places 1983
Tropic Thunder 2008
True Grit 2010
True Lies 1994
Two Weeks Notice 2002
Uncle Buck 1989
Undercover Blues 1993
Unfinished Business 2015
Unknown 2011
Up in the Air 2009
Us 2019
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story 2007
Walk The Line 2005
Wall Street 1987
Wall-E 2008
Wayne’s World 1992
We Were Soldiers 2002
We’re the Millers 2013
Wedding Crashers 2005
Weekend at Bernie’s 1989
What to Expect When You’re Expecting 2012
What We Do in the Shadows 2014
White Christmas 1954
WIlly Wonka & The Chocolate Factory 1971
Windtalkers 2002
Without a Paddle: Nature’s Calling 2009
Yes Man 2008
Zombieland 2009
Zombieland 2009
Zoolander 2001
Zoolander 2 2016

Droid Eris: The Bane of My Existence

I am now on my 4th Verizon Droid Eris smartphone and awaiting my 5th to come in the mail. I am not “hard on phones”, I don’t roughhouse, wet, abuse, throw, or harm phones in any way. This phone model just stops working.

When will Verizon admit that this model of phone is sub-par? I can’t get tech-support or someone in-store to admit that this phone model is defective by its nature. Why can’t they call a turd a turd? I wouldn’t want a refund, just some acknowledgment that the product wasn’t as described. If I am able to get this acknowledgment, I will renew my contract when the time comes – if not, AT&T is looking sexy.


Kidding or not, this is in very poor taste:
Washington, D.C., you’d think by now they’d get the message,” she said. “An earthquake, a hurricane. Are you listening? The American people have done everything they can, and now it’s time for an act of God and we’re getting it.
Michele Bachmann  (via Washington Post)

Vodka Pasta Sauce

Every night I pray to baby Jesus that I won’t have to choose between April, my girlfriend, and a jar of Vodka pasta sauce. Luckily for her, that situation is highly unlikely.

Sex Offenders

I just found out the maintenance man for my townhouse associations is a registered sex offender. The nice pamphlet from the city of Mesa, says he was convicted of two counts of “Attempted Sexual Conduct with a Minor”. So who knows what that means?

Getting Familiar

I love a good mystery beer! Corona Extra, si.  Corona Light, si. But now there is Corona Familiar, a new beer that is showing up in supermarkets around the country. This Mexican invasion is silent, no word from Corona on the marketing/advertising front.

Get familiar with brown glass instead of clear.

Getting Real About Food: The Burrito

Think about this word: Burrito. Does it make you feel hungry, fat, tired, full? Now think about this word: Wrap. Light and healthy are the words that may come to mind. There is no difference between a burrito and a wrap! “Well, a wrap has lettuce”, so do a lot of burritos!

Calling a burrito, “a wrap”  is great marketing. How else would you convince consumers that putting deep-fried chicken in a tortilla is healthy???

Model Anatomy

Is there something wrong with these mannequins? These lackluster drones were spotted at the Forever 21 store in Scottsdale Fashion Square Mall. Photo credit: Me.

My life is meaningless! Sasha, crouch for the camera.



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